I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
