gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
