I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It's Friday. Sex?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
