is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize