I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
