you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you had me at cake vodka
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
