then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
