Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
