I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
