the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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