Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just high enough for therapy.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
