You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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