Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
