This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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