hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
