yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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