It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
