A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
