everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize