your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I have demons in me.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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