She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
