u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize