My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you didnt know i had herpes?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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