In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
