I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Randomize
