She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
