Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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