I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
