I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
