the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
