I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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