suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
