now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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