I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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