I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
