i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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