Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
