I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
