My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
