Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
How's work?
Spinning.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
