I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
