I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
