i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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