i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
