i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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