it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
