i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
