We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
