C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
