We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
