i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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