I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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