If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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