i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize