Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
