cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
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