she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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