Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
