i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just gift wrapped bread.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
