Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
