I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
