I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
So squirting runs in the family.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
