Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
