i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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