mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
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