you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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